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"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job"
　　　　　--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign
"This is a great day for France!"
　　　　　--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"
　　　　　--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh... setbacks."
　　　　　--George Bush
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."
　　　　　--Dan Quayle
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."
　　　　　--Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in 1989
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is."
　　　　　--Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund
"I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore-that is Maryland."
　　　　　--William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address
"The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at."
　　　　　--George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline
"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism. This is what drives me."
　　　　　--George Bush
"If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed."
　　　　　--Ronald Reagan
"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
　　　　　--Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
　　　　　--Dan Quayle
"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed."
　　　　　--Ronald Reagan
AND GREAT MOMENTS IN POLITICAL DEBATES:
Walter Mondale: George Bush doesn't have the manhood to apologize.
Bush: Well, on the manhood thing, I'll put mine up against his any time.

"Bite the wax tadpole."
　　　　　-- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."
　　　　　-- ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
"I am a jelly doughnut"
　　　　　--English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
"We pray for MacArthur's erection."
　　　　　--sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
　　　　　--from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991
"It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
　　　　　--Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad

　"I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that."
　　　　　--Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people of the United States."
　　　　　--Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning for McGovern in 1972
"Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge 18 inch penis, as described in an add. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused."
　　　　　--correction printed in The Daily Californian
"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!"
　　　　　--Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
"I want you to take your balls in your hand and bounce them on the floor and then throw them as high as you can. Now, have you all got your balls in your hands?"
　　　　　--announcer of children's radio show "Life With Mother" to her audience
They X-Rayed my head and found nothing.
　　　　　--Jerome "Dizzy" Dean

In a Tokyo hotel:
　　Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
　　The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
　　Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
　　To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
　　Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
　　Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
　　The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
　　You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:
　　You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
　　Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
　　Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
　　Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
　　Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaners:
　　Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
　　Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
　　Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly:
　　There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
　　It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
　　Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
　　Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
　　Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
　　Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
　　Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
　　Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
　　It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
　　Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
　　We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
　　If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
　　Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
　　Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
　　Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
　　The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
　　Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
　　Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tolyo:
　　When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance:
　　- English well speaking
　　- Here speeching American.
From a menu of a restaurant in China:
　　- paincakes

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